From People-Pleasing to Genuine Care: Finding Healthy Connections and Mindful Gifting

Finding the right distance in relationships is truly essential.

Having people around you with whom you can just be yourself without overthinking, I've been feeling deeply lately that this is one of the most important things for living a rich and happy life.

Putting aside people who are simply exhausting to be around... have you ever experienced a moment where someone is polite and well-spoken, yet leaves you feeling subtly uneasy or uncomfortable?

I once heard that from a spiritual perspective, this discomfort comes from a disconnect between the words spoken and the actual energy (or true intent) behind them.

Looking back at my years working in a corporate office, I sometimes wonder if I was doing the exact same thing. Although in my case, it was strictly within a professional context.

We often meet people who can’t say no, continuously staying extra polite to avoid conflict. On the surface, they seem like "nice people." But I believe the underlying energy often comes from self-protection, a desire not to be disliked. While it looks like thoughtfulness toward others, the focus is actually on oneself. That’s why, despite the politeness, the unspoken awkwardness reaches the other person, often preventing deep and genuine connections.

Now, working to deliver furoshiki through MUSUBISM, I am surrounded by people I truly respect and admire, our wonderful customers and partners. It has brought so much health and peace to both my mind and body. Being in relationships connected by gratitude naturally eliminates the need to over-think or strain myself.

Yesterday, while chatting with an international friend, I was asked about the old Japanese corporate practice of tea-serving (ochakumi).

While it’s a custom that has largely vanished today, I shared that I don’t view it as mere busywork. Rather, it was a way of observing someone’s genuine nature and attitude, their underlying energy, outside of formal work tasks.

Anticipating how the senior colleague preferred their tea (the exact temperature and strength) and adjusting oneself to match... there's a saying, "A request is an opportunity to be tested." Those who could act with that level of care were trusted as primary apprentices and given meaningful work.

At first glance, this might look like flattery or an unbalanced dynamic. Personally, I’m not fond of over flattering others either; I much prefer flat, equal relationships based on mutual respect.

Yet, whether in business or personal life, I feel the core lesson remains the same. Western cultures may appear more direct and flat on the surface, but the universal truth is that those who hold the ability to respect others and radiate comfortable, positive energy are the ones who get lifted up.

It’s not about staying silent out of fear of being disliked, but asking yourself: "Am I willing to adapt out of genuine care for the other person?"

I believe that this kind of positive cycle accumulates over time and eventually returns to you.

So, in a modern world where customs like tea-serving are fading, how do we express this comfortable care and gratitude?

Through a casual drink? Support at work? Souvenirs? Or thoughtful gifts?

We sometimes worry: "Will this make them feel obligated?" or "Is picking out a gift going to be a burden?"

However, what truly matters is the energy itself, the time and conscious thought you dedicated to that person.

Precisely because it is a comfortable relationship free from unnecessary tension, sending a quiet message of "I value you" through a simple gesture—rather than a grand formality—creates the most wonderful cycle of uplifting energy for both of you.

When someone's face pops into your mind and you think, "I'd love to share a moment of warmth with them," I hope you trust that quiet intuition.

Enjoy the simple happiness of choosing something while imagining their gentle smile.

May your connections with the people who matter most continue to be filled with light, effortless, and comforting energy.